Psicologo | Counselor

“I am myself plus my circumstances. If I don’t save them, I can’t save myself.” (cit. Minuchin, 1974)

Having a dysfunctional family means living in a pathological context where the dynamics and relationships between members are characterized by unresolved needs and a lack of constructive communication.

Towards the Double Bind

In this type of family, members face difficulties in communicating effectively, such as when there’s a discrepancy between verbal and non-verbal communication. The resulting “double bind” leads to misunderstandings, frequent arguments, and a tense atmosphere. Roles within the family are part of a rigid system, where there’s resistance to appreciating any progress, development, or change (“I don’t recognize you anymore!”). In more severe cases, we can speak of Paradoxical Families, which can cause psychosis (M. Selvini Palazzoli, 1975).

Unmet Transtogenerational Needs

In a dysfunctional family system, individuals’ needs are neglected. Problems like abusive communication or imposing silence on difficult issues (taboos) can make the situation even more complex, creating an atmosphere of secrets and suspicion.

Unmet emotional needs – such as protection – are denied or expressed in an anxious or ambivalent manner. Fears, such as the fear of rejection, of losing control, or of facing conflicts, can lead to generalized avoidance behaviors. In this way, each member simply tries to adapt to their role to reduce conflicts, unconsciously perpetuating self-perpetuating feedback loops.

Homeostasis / Status Quo

Maintaining homeostasis in a family plays a fundamental role (P. Watzlawick, 1967). Family members may secondarily find comfort in dysfunctional interactions because they are predictable, or they may believe that confronting problems would require too much energy. However, the problem lies in the system’s homeostasis, in its rituals, rather than in the individual personalities of its members.

Dysfunctional behaviors, such as self-harming, for example, although painful, create rituals of stability, reinforcing an implicit pact between members. After a child self-harms, a parent might assume a protective role and feel gratified in that position, while the self-harmer may paradoxically feel powerful and in control.

The status quo (nothing changes) serves to protect family members from tensions and conflicts, creating an emotional barrier that prevents them from addressing deeper issues. However, this protection is illusory; instead of solving problems, they accumulate, creating a complex and damaging self-perpetuating cycle. Consequently, dysfunctional families can remain trapped in patterns that hold all members hostage, making it difficult to transform these dynamics into healthier, more positive relationships.

Bibliography

• S. Minuchin, Famiglie e Terapia della Famiglia, Astrolabio, 1974
• P. Watzlawick, Pragmatica della Comunicazione Umana, Astrolabio, 1971
• M. Selvini Palazzoli, L. Boscolo, G. Cecchin, G. Prata, Paradosso e controparadosso, Astrolabio, 2003